Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
