Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
