Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He did a backflip because drugs
i out mim tonsoeep
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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