I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
