Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I could make wine with my vomit
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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