The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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