i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
