it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
