Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Never joke about your clitoris.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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