Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
