plz talk dirty to me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
