I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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