sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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