listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
