Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
