so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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