Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
