i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
