Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
