You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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