Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
