i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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