How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
