Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize