i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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