we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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