Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
