The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
