I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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