the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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