he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
