I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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