I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
