I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
