i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
