I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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