I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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