Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
