Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
