Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
