Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
