he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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