Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
