Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
