well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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