I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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