I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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