dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
