All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
