So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
