Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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