you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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