Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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