you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
