I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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