guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
