sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
