It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
